10/28/17 – I Forgot How Old I Was Today

Thought I was 25. Apparently, I am 26. It wasn’t a concerning realization, only odd.  A couple of times over the past few months I have questioned what age I was, concluding that I must be 25, even though I never did the math to confirm.

It really didn’t matter though what age I really was. At least, not like it used to. It used to bother me a lot how old I was. I used to think that I had to be somewhere by a certain time, or I would be failing. I let my comparisons to others, a false comparison at that, dictate my life schedule.

I thought that by 30 my life would be over. That by the time I hit that age, I would be married, start having kids, and then I would have no more time to do things like run a business, and travel the world. So I had to do it all right now. I tried and tried to no avail. Yes, I was making great progress, but it was never enough. I could always work harder. Work longer hours. Go faster.

But this timeline, and these pressures were only a reality that I created for myself. A hectic and stressful one. One that embodied a lot of self belief and determination, so good things, but was constrained by a false sense of ending time.

So it’s not that I am now working any less hard, or getting less success. On the contrary, I have been able to do more with less time. And my success is exponentially increasing. I simply eliminated such a stringent time constraint. I have moreso forgotten time. I now feel that I can only do as much as I feel. Not as much as I think I “should be doing”.

And there is a distinct difference between the two. When I used to think that I “should be doing” more, it was because I was comparing myself to someone else. Or to some other idea of what it means to “work hard and get things done”. It was a rat race mentality that while is followed by many, ultimately gives a life of stress, depression, and anxiety. So instead, I switched to a mentality to doing as much as I “feel like doing”. For some this may be confusing because many don’t feel like doing much at all. They hate their work. They don’t like working hard because they don’t have anything wonderful to work toward. So the mentality of working as much as you feel could be expressed as being lazy, and not doing much at all.

But for me, I love the work that I do. I love doing it as much as possible. And working encompasses almost every aspect of my life because I take every moment I have as an opportunity to learn about myself. I use every activity as a means for self growth. No matter what it is. Because this opportunity is a reality of life.

Yet when I talk about the “work” part of “working as much as I feel” I am talking about the more strictd sense of work. The possibly less playful side of it. Doing the things that must be done but aren’t necessarily so fun. My level of commitment is such that I will get these things done, but I now do not stress myself every day over how quickly I am doing them. I now do as much as I feel, and I know that it is enough. I know that these things will be done in due time, and that that will be good enough.

This mentality is subtle though. Of course I would like to do things quicker. And I think about how I should do them quicker because I want to. But the difference is that I now no longer punish my self constantly for not achieving some preconceived idea of what “speed” is. I can progress with a level mind. One that is non punishing and more supportive.

This whole idea comes from a meditative mind. This whole ability to do less with more. To achieve more with less mental struggle. To be happier with work and life. It comes from stillness of the mind. It comes in the ability to realize your true essence which is undifferentiated energy. To realize that you are all good. That time is our illusion. That you need not struggle and fight, but relax and be receptive.

Don’t climb the ladder. Fall into the ocean. Don’t compare to others. Learn about yourself. Don’t worry about the future. Create it. And let it be.

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