I can’t expect from others what I expect from myself. I just can’t. It has always led to disappointment. And it always will. So I must instead not expect anything from them. Or maybe expect that things will never get done as I want them to. Then I can know that compromise will have to do. That compromise is perfection. That as long as I am working with other people. With other lesser versions of myself. I will not find perfection. I must find love. I must only love. Find some way to influence and ask and push. Without an expectation that they will do as I say, the way I wish.

The center of my being is perfect. And all that stems from it is less so.

However, I can never be disappointed when all things are perfect. When imperfection becomes perfection, then it is so. Perfection is held in my perception. Perfect perception is achieved when thoughts and emotions are set aside, and Ra is able to flow forth uninhibited. With this, external event do not matter. They do not determine anything. Perfect, non perfect. It means nothing. Everything is either perfect or everything is imperfect. They are the same. They mean the same. Things just happen. And we must follow our true self. Out true intuition in order to follow the pure flow of life. We must act without action. Act as Ausar. Allow Ra to flow as Ausar.

Our true base is always here in our meditation. It is not far away. It is right here. Always. It is here when we flow. When we feel the best. We know what God is. We know what this life force is. We know what meditation is. Or at least, we can all feel it. We have all felt it.

It is a matter of believing. We must make the ultimate identification in order to free ourselves from form. We must dive fully into thought and sin in order to meditate and love. Those who suppress, transgress. Those who preach, sin.

I am reading a book called “An unquiet mind, A memoir of moods and madness” In it, the author talks about her life being manic-depressive. The beginning part two almost perfectly describes my feelings in mania. What I don’t seem to relate to is the negative parts. The come downs. I did during my first episode. But not after the second. I have felt how my mind, or whatever it is that has led me to those feelings can take hold without me knowing, and I can see how it could do the opposite. This does scare me. I could fall. But how could that be? I cannot see its possibility. I have not felt it. Except for years ago a couple of times. Will I swing the other way? What would become of my mind then? These are not thoughts to worry about. I am in safety.

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