More and more connections are occurring. More and more mounds of evidence. I am never disappointed by the connections. And I never will be. Because the things I seek are the ones that I am most attracted to. The ones that I truly feel I can believe in. There is unwavering faith in my feeling. It has never let me down before. And it never will. Of this I am sure. Because even if it could seem like it wouldn’t. I can always make it so.
The Kamitic spiritual cultivation is the root of Tantra. Of the very book of secrets I have been studying and practicing. The paths which I feel are so right. The information in which I cannot get enough of. The symbols and stories and practices of who I am. I learn more and more of my true self through them. There is so much to learn. How much more is there? How much more can I learn and figure out? Will I ever stop growing? Will it ever stop mattering?
I wonder now what old age will be like? I am sure that I will continue to grow. And experience and lover. But I cannot help but think that in old age I will not be as vigorous as I am now. I will not be so pressed for time. So anxious to get things moving. I cannot help but feel that I will be in the world. Retired. Simply observing. With less and less action. With greater simplicity. More child like than ever before. No work. Just play. Just observing. Just experiencing. Eating. Looking. Praying and being thankful. Thinking back on my life. I will not be disappointed. I will be ready for the next adventure. For the ultimate adventure of death. I will be ready to start again anew. Or rather. Continue my journey after waking from a deep and comfortable sleep.
I love this feeling of time never ending. I love to feel peace permeating from my heart’s center. From in between my armpits, peace pervades. And I feel that what I see is illusory. That my world is illusory. That I have no boundaries. That my being extends from my center infinitely. Here there are no others. There are no pains. There is nothing to shake my being. I am calm and at peace within and without.
Tomorrow I want to observe as I will as an old man. I want to walk my city. Look at people. See their faces. See what they do. Where they go. Think about why they go there and do what they do. I simply want to see. I want to feel what I feel in different places. I want to revere the beauty of the structures and voices and dramas and lights of it all. I want to be there during the day. And then be there at night. I want to move in the city. Climb its walls, jump it’s stairs. Play in myself with friends. I want to talk and fight with them. Be with them amongst us all. I love my crew. The Rebel Crew we are. The three Kings of Will, Love, and Intelligence. The spirit. Lightbringers. Orion. Ra. Gods on earth. God. One.